my life is all messed up..i knew it was a gone case the moment 2005 started. *shrug* oh well..i'l survive but the road is too tough to think about right now. i've learnt to put myself FIRST..no one else should come before me..and i learnt it all the hard way. i have my regrets..but there's no one else who'll understand right now. 5/7/2005 : my first cigarette in a year. man, that's F*ing long..well..at least it was a Davidoff Light..might be the start of my chain smoking madness again. i can't help it..i know it's bad. anyway, bottomline is, I'M CLOSING THIS BLOG FOR GOOD. thanks to all that have faithfully read and commented..for encouraging me in times of need. still, i think 2005 is a nightmare to blog about. i wn't be deleting this blog cos it contains the happy 2004 i had but i'll probably never blog again. thank you. Peace.

Boo everyone! well..i sure havn't blogged in a long long long time.. life has been a whole lot of ups and downs lately.. alot has changed both internally and externally. for one, i lost 4kg. Yeah! but it's all thru the stress of work and school. by the time i was done with the exams, my weight teetered on the below-50 scale. but i'm sure it's gone back to slightly more normal cos i'm not so stressed now. certainly enjoyed being a skeleton for quite awhile. my whole face and body shrunk like mad. haha. at the peak of emaciated-ness, i fit nicely into my waist 25 capris and went clubbing after the Entrepreneurship exam. was at Music Underground with Beng, Joey and Rachel. fun. was so happy to be back in a dark hideaway. music was being-ish but totally dance-able. that night, i drank a pitcher of Whiskey-lime by myself. haha. no, i didn't get drunk! anyways, i'm back in school again and working like mad..still wanna go kayaking though..cos im keen on completing the Stars this year. doing alot of nonsense in my life..stage of unparralled experimentation with anything possible..just short of mass murder! So, anyway, i'm finally blogging to say that i'm leaving for Sydney tmr morning..sighz..finally right? so it'll be another break before i start blogging again. stay tuned, people. muacks*

i just can't get you outta my head
shit. of all things, Kylie's song is haunting me.

but it reflects my sentiments totally. so maybe one of the reasons why i keep getting headaches is cos I JUST CAN'T GET YOU OUTTA MY HEAD!!!

crap. i know it's only 2 months into the new year but i already know 2005 is gonna be a shit year for me. i can tell you nothing good has happened to me so far and nothing good will happen either. let's just make a checklist of all the bad things that have befallen me.

Number #1
car broke down; i went nuts, lost control and panicked like a bimbo infront of 4guys. 3 are my classmates and 1 is my lecturer. i was totally embarrassed. so much for being the tough chick.

Number #2
laptop has finally died on me. knew something was wrong after using is for my CB102 report. the next time i tried to use it for my ENT report, it wouldn't even get to the window's page. apparently, the hard disk has finally given up on me. bye bye laptop. cos i definitely dun have money to get a new one right now.

Number #3
for the first time in my tertiary life, i didn't get stellar results for my mid term. a miserable 35/60 for my CB102 paper. that's enough to put me in a sulky mood. i thought i could relax a little for the final exam if the mid term was aced. well, apparently not.

Number #4
for the first time in my life, i didn't get a single rose on v-day. ok. i'm being bimbotic here. but just bear with it. not even a LEAF ok!! and not even L send a bouquet this year. pissing shit. i know i always ill-treat flowers but somewhere inside this mean heart, i still like flowers. yeah..first time man.

Number #5
for the first time in my life, i played 'ban lak' or blackjack with friends and unknowns in JK's house for CNY. i totally sucked at the game compared to everyone else. i gotta learn how to play it. i lost about $40 that night, including some of my ang pao money. pissing shits.

Number #6
for the first time in my life, i went to River Hongbao with Andy at night. spur of the moment thing but i was game since i really wanted to walk around. if he didn't yank my arm at the last moment, i'd have walked straight into a rope, trip and whack into the tree infront of me. pissers, rite? well..doesn't help that the poor guy walked straight into a rock right after pulling me away from the tree. beeps.

alright, i'm sure u get the point by now. i've consulted the Runes, tarot cards and horoscope things..and i still don't have an answer. i'm just not very looking forward to a year of bad luck. maybe i should bug andy to bring me to a feng shui place..okay!! i know i'm paranoid now..cos i usually scoff at all this stuff but i'm desperate k..desperate to break this evil chain!! arghhh!!

i'm going nuts doing 3 projects on the same afternoon.
here in the school library, it's freezing cold, i've got no time to eat and i'm about to go insane.

sighz. all in the name of education.

anywayz, thankfully i watched a movie yesterday @PS to preserve my sanity. Shall We Dance was quite nice..heart-warming and stuff lah..with a few good laughs here n there. but most of all, it reminded me about what it's like to dance. to really DANCE.

ugh. now i'm beginning to dread my sydney-melbourne trip in March.

sighz.

and i've to give up one week of school to go over there.
suddenly, i think i'd rather stay in school in March.
rather be slogging at the lecture room trying to understand the lesson.

sighz. what an irony it's turned out to be.

oh man. today was eye-candy day. for sure. kept seeing cute guys everywhere!! haha. a couple of them when i was sitting at the counter, another one when i walked out of Scotts and another eurasian one at the restaurant!! haha! not bad!! sighz. life is boring without any cute guys around to perk me up. i swear it's better than any coffee in the planet. yawnz. need some excitment in my life.